Surrender is a very important part of recovery, but it doesn't just happen in one day. It's a process that unfolds. Step 1 is the first part of that long process. By simply accepting that we are powerless over something and that our lives get crazy when we use whatever it is, we are taking the first of many baby steps towards surrendering. But it cannot stop there, we need to keep moving and heal the wounds that have got us turning to distructive stuff to try to temporarily solve, numb, whatever. The best way to wade through all this stuff is with other people who have been where you are, and who are going where you want to go. Please find some meetings in your area, stay after the meetings to chat with some supportive members, find a sponsor after a bit, and work the steps. The surrender will happen, but we didn't become addicted in one day, so remember: easy does it. Please give meetings a try, don't worry: we all feel like outsiders, like we don't belong, and all that crap, so you're not alone. Just go and feel awkward for a little bit, you won't die from embarrasement :-P I promise, as a clean mom myself, it's the best thing you can do for those preciouse little people that call you Mommy. <3

Try to find a local NA meeting here: http://www.na.org/?ID=phoneline

or if all else fails, try the World Service Office at 1-818-773-9999