My name is Michael and I am a compulsive overeater. There is no longer any question that I am powerless over my disease, and my life has become (long ago) unmanageble. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to seclude. I don't want the dark.
This is my first time checking this site out. I am writing about step 12, because I am beginning to work with others on a temporary basis. I have worked the steps with my sponsor and have had a spiritual awakening! I am so grateful for a chance to help others, but I am finding it difficult to keep them on topic. Our program here is very solution-focused and I want to help them learn, but sometimes they only want to go on about their horrible day! I pray for patience sometimes, but I see my higher power has a sense of humor, because lord, do they make me call on my patience!
I was given the gift of abstinence. I say a "gift" because it came about because I was scared. I thought I was dying; literally. I thought I had serious liver damage. I mean, I drank for 30 years. So I stopped. But it turned out to be diverticulitis. Still serious, but not life threatening.
I didn't know I needed to. I was to much making arrangements to make a daily planner. Just so I wouldn't have free time on my hands so when I quit it wouldn't be so hard on me. Then I started to read that fear was a big contributor to forcing people into relapse. And it all made perfect sense to me and as I sat back to listen to my thoughts , I heard myself scared of different things as well. I realized I too was scared of my fear. I feared fear also. And if I didn't face my fear then I was going to have minimal results in effort given.
I never thought i would have to be nice to anyone on the way up....because i was never planning on coming back down. Having been knocked down and climbed back 3 times now it gets harder each time...I appears that i have 4th opportunity to more with my life...first i know longer consider it a climb up....its simply moving on...second no on can take it away from but myself.
