Only part of my previous sharing was posted: 

However, I never looked at the underlying issues that had been the reasons for my drinking. And so, even though I had not had a drink in over two years, I was able to still destroy my life. I had an affair. It was not intentional. I was not looking for it. But I did allow it to happen. I have destroyed my marriage. My wife hates me. My son hates me. I have lost the love and respect of the woman that I was having the affair with. I am alone.

I didn't know I needed to. I was to much making arrangements to make a daily planner. Just so I wouldn't have free time on my hands so when I quit it wouldn't be so hard on me. Then I started to read that fear was a big contributor to forcing people into relapse. And it all made perfect sense to me and as I sat back to listen to my thoughts , I heard myself scared of different things as well. I realized I too was scared of my fear. I feared fear also. And if I didn't face my fear then I was going to have minimal results in effort given.

I was given the gift of abstinence. I say a "gift" because it came about because I was scared. I thought I was dying; literally. I thought I had serious liver damage. I mean, I drank for 30 years. So I stopped. But it turned out to be diverticulitis. Still serious, but not life threatening. 

I was given the gift of abstinence. I say a "gift" because it came about because I was scared. I thought I was dying; literally. I thought I had serious liver damage. I mean, I drank for 30 years. So I stopped. But it turned out to be diverticulitis. Still serious, but not life threatening. 

Hello. I'm new on this site. I just wanted to say hey to everyone and anyone. I'm in my early 30s and I live in MN. I'm not new to AA but I've only been sober for almost 5 months. I feel different this time though. I have a sponsor.

For now, my higher power is all life's connection, the universe, Love, and Xena: Warrior Princess. I'm close to being an athiest, but not quite. The higher power thing is something to work out.

I'm feeling positive today because I feel so much freer when I'm hangover-free:)

-LadyTrek

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