Am I just a "Part-time Addict"? I'm addicted to pain killers - I only know this because a few times in the past year I have tried to go for more than 5 days in a row without taking any pain killers and by the 6th day I was back to popping the pills fast and furious! So I know that I have a problem with opiods. I've known for the past year that things were "not right" and that something was terribly wrong with how I was dealing with my pain. But until my husband sat me down and seriously told me that I was an addict, I thought I just had not discovered the reason for my pain. I was thinking that surely I would find the right doctor or the right medication if I just kept searching for the answers to my ongoing back pain. I agreed to go through a detox rehab center and completed 10 days of detoxing from all opiod based drugs. In return, my pain level dramatically decreased and I'm in total amazement by all of it. On the day that I left the rehab center I enrolled in the adjoining Intensive Outpatient Program aka "I.O.P". And I've learned so much about addiction, addicts, triggers and anything related to drug abuse. But I have a problem defining what I truly am in relationship to this disease. I don't crave the drugs that I have left behind, nor do I crave the "doped up" feeling that I experienced when I was taking the drugs. There are times I crave the immediate pain relief as I still have a fair amount of pain but I have alternative pain killers now that do the trick - just not as quick. I never took the drugs to "get high", never bought them illegally nor took them with friends at parties etc. Thus I don't have a lot of stories to tell about my "using". Does this make me a "Part-time Addict"? I feel guilty when I go to NA or AA meetings and I hear all of these stories from other addicts. I really don't have much of a story or stories to tell. I feel that if I were to tell people about my addiction that I might offend them with my "blah blah" version of drug addiction. What am I? How do I move past this feeling of constantly questioning myself about whether I'm an addict or not? I feel like I'm a fish out of water in meetings. I can't relate to those that talk of all night drug parties, stories of getting high with their friends, the varied experiences while doing drugs etc. My circle of friends are not addicts or alcoholics either. Any ideas or suggestions are very welcome. I'm trying to learn and discover all that I can about myself and this disease of addiction. Thank you.
Comments
Addiction is a progressive
Addiction is a progressive disease. It will try to manipulte us into thinking that we can handle one time but the fact is: it will always go from bad to worse. I remember days when I handed my wife the beer because I was not in the mood for finishing my one bottle of beer druing the dinner. I also remember days when I had dope in my drawer and I never touched it for days and sometimes weeks. That was years before I went to NA meetings. Never mind about lables. Don't care much about the title "addict" or not "addict", just work the program. Somewhere deep inside you knows and always knew who you are and what made you overuse your medicine to begin with. Work the steps and have a sponor. Sponsorship is important. As the basic text say "we find that one addict helping another addict is without paralel." Clarity will come in pieces.
If you think someone is judging you in meetings, they are wrong. You have a place in NA and AA just like everybody else. Ask yourself: would you rather go for one more round to find out whether you are an addict or not? I had to do it because of the same reason: I compared myself with others instead of believing what I already knew. I didn't take what I want and leave the rest.
In meeting, you'll find more of the hard core addicts who had similar stories: lost wife, house, job and dog, slept in streets, been to hospitals and jails, etc. but you'll also find people sharing experiences that you'll identify with. NA meetings, in my experience, will alway welcome you as one of them as we will always welcome you to our site.
Did you work step one with a
Did you work step one with a sponsor?
I try to say i am a part time
I try to say i am a part time user but i am only fooling myself....I am at the point to where i want to be no time user so i join this group to seek some help cuz i am doing one day at a time.