boggles94

I am a 36 year old wife and mother of 4. We have 2 girls and 2 boys, ages 19, 12, 11 & 8. Our oldest daughter graduated High School just last year and lives in VA. I was born and raised in VA and lived in the area till Dec of 2008. The economy bottomed out and we were struggling to make ends meet. It was then that we Oklahoma. My husband is from there and had been away from his family for quite some time. Things were looking up for us at first, then after the first year my husband decided to re-enlist in the USANG to continue his education. in OK to continue his education. Even though we anticipated the possibility of him deploying, we put it in Gods hands. We were a little taken back when at his first drill his unit was notified that they would be deploying to Afghanistan! At that point, I had already been struggling with drinking. The closer it got to his actual deployment it only got worse, resulting in loosing my job. After he left for training, I thought I had it all under control, but in April drank then drove my kids to an apt where I passed out and had to be sent to the er by ambulance. My children were able to get ahold of a friend and they came to pick them up. Long story short, I checked myself into a detox for a wk while my husband was granted emergency leave to come home for a few days. During the time he was home, I was caught shoplifting with my family. Of course I had been drinking again, even though the previous instance shook me, I guess it wasn't enough at that time. I was released to my husband and not sent to jail. I enrolled in an outpatient treatment program, but was terminated after a month due to being caught again for shoplifting. This time, on a base facility. Though I didn't go to jail, my children were with me and even though they did not see me handcuffed, it was probably the lowest I had ever felt. I was letting everyone down, my husband, his family, but most importantly my children. By this time, it was getting closer to my husband's actual deployment. He was still in Louisiana for training. I enrolled myself in another day treatment program knowing I wouldn't be able to finish it since we were going to be traveling by car to see him in two weeks. The trip to Louisiana was good, we enjoyed the time we had with my husband at the beach. When his leave time was up, our daughter got sick and delayed our stay with him for a few extra days. Sadly, our time did come to an end and it was time for us to leave and him to jump on a plane. Instead of driving back to OK to go home, I had planned on driving to VA/MD to visit my family and friends for two weeks. The drive there was good but once we got to my moms, it went downhill for me pretty quick. I drank and slept the two weeks away ignoring my kids and family. When it was time to leave to go home to OK, my then 17 year old daughter was going through some similar issues and had been kicked out of her grandmother house in VA. Very reluctantly, she came with us to go back to Oklahoma. The first part of our drive was great! We stopped in West Virginia to get some sleep and since I knew we weren't going anywhere figured it would be ok to have a drink. That drink turned into a fifth, and the fifth into another. Actually attempted to drive with all four children, my 17 year old pleaded and made me pull over for her to drive. She drove the rest of the way from WVA to Missouri where we stayed with my sister-in-law for the night. The next day we were on our way home to OK. The next 2 weeks were hell! I had done so much damage to my family, but still didn't really see it. My husband and I decided that it would be in our family's best interest if the kids and I moved to Missouri to be closer to his sister and nieces. I thought a fresh start would help everyone. My oldest daughter persuaded her grandmother to let her come back. My chance of smoothing things over with her were gone. Her friends from VA drove to OK to take her back while the rest of us packed the house to move to MO. The move went well, I had already been to court for the first offense and had the charges dropped to disorderly conduct. School started in MO and the my other 3 kids seemed to be adjusting pretty well. We had to drive back to OK for my hearing for the second offense which was being held in Federal Court. I didn't have anyone to take care of my children, so they sat in the courtroom and heard everything that was said. Until now I was able to disregard any questions the kids had asked me, but now I had no escape and they knew what I had done. No charges where given at that time, but only postponed for discovery. After we got back home, things seemed to be going better. I wasn't drinking as much and thought I was doing well. Then I was told that my then 10 year old daughter was going to have to have major surgery on her intestines. For this surgery, I had to be with her at the children's hospital in OK. Scrambling to figure out how I could do this, as my sister-in-law was not available to stay with my son's. It was a non-profit organization that assisted us with a plane ticket for my mom to fly from DC to MO so she could stay with my 2 son's while my daughter and I went to OK for her surgery. A week later, she was released and we were on our way back to MO. Little did I know how long her recovery was really going to be. My mom of course left to go back home, but not before speaking her mind and convincing my husband that she felt I needed intense treatment for drinking. He then asked his sister to come and stay with us until his break at Christmas. I had been in contact with a treatment center in MO, but was not able to get an apt with them until after my husband came home in late December. Trying to not drink was all I could think of, but only did the opposite and drank more. I drank and slept through Christmas the entire time never seeing how horribly mean I was being to my children and husband. After Christmas, my husband had to leave for debriefing in Louisiana. His command granted him an early release from duty due to my behavior. Upon his return, our communication was very strained and rigid. He sought help for himself after the first week of being home. He was suffering from PTSD and I was not able to understand because I was so consumed with myself. With in the first week of him being home I was still drinking, even though I was attending an outpatient treatment center while waiting for a spot for intense inpatient. I had just gotten new prescriptions and thought I needed to be the one to get them. This was on Jan 10, 2012. I went to the store, dropped them off and passed the waiting time just browsing the store. Went and paid for my scripts, had a hickup with one of them and was stuck at the pharmacy for about a half and hour waiting for them to fix it. Finally, got through with them and walked out the store without paying for the rest of my items, leading to yet another offense. I was honest with the police officer and told him I had been drinking and by the sheer grace of God, he still let me go home on my own without a breathalyzer. After this I was finally granted a bed for a 30 day inpatient program. My true last drink was on Jan 10, 2012, the day I got my last ticket. I pushed through the 30 days and was feeling fantastic! Somehow, I still had a husband and still had a family to come home to. I attended outpatient treatment in the next 2 months as much as I could. In January I went to my doctor about my menstrual cycles getting out of hand. In March and April this condition only got worse, and even though I was not drinking at all, I was exhausted all the time and was getting to the point of not being able to function at all. My husband seeing my behavior wanted to believe that I wasn't drinking, but was too hard for him. By Easter, I had given up on my sobriety. 1 day away from 90 days! I let myself down the most, and having to tell my counselor was even worse that admitting it to my husband. In May I had an Endometrial Ablation that truly has changed my life! Moved to Missouri in Aug 2011 when my husband deployed to Afghanistan. have been here for a little over a year.